How to Spot Fake Comic Book Fans

Whenever a new superhero movie comes out, some people will pretend they’ve been into the comic book forever, and weren’t just swayed by an exciting trailer or slick marketing campaign. They are afraid of being seen as “sheep” or “mindless consumers”, so they pretend to be comic book fans, even if they’ve never picked up a comic in their lives. So, how can you tell when someone is a fake comic book fan?

  • Their favorite heroes are Super Visor and Sales-Man.
  • They think Batman’s first name is Patrick.
  • They think the villain from Endgame is “you know, the big, purple guy… Grape Ape.”
  • They think a “comic con” is a super hero who’s been to prison.
  • When they read collector’s issues, they fold back the covers, and keep folding until they have a lovely origami swan.
  • They think “cosplay” involves wearing colorful sweaters and eating Jello Pudding.
  • When you ask if they have a lot of back issues, they say “no, just the sciatica”.
  • They read comics over and over, instead of keeping them pristine forever by sealing them inside acid-free bags, putting the bags in a long box, and burying the long box in a shallow grave in the woods.
  • They spell “Spiderman” without the hyphen, or the umlauts.
  • They’ve never read the prequel to Spider-Man, “Peter Parker vs. Grad Student Octopus”.
  • The call Captain America “that guy with the Frisbee.”
  • They’ve never seen “Batman: The Movie: The Musical: On Ice”.
  • They’ve never even eaten a single comic.

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