Reasons to buy my book

book store sign, illustration for reasons to buy my book humor article

Have a hard time deciding which books to buy? Here are some reasons to add my books to your TBR pile!

  • Do you hate reading? Are you also a masochist? Here you go!
  • Like pets? Every copy comes with free silverfish!
  • No pants? This book can be used to hide your shame.
  • Use it for home defense! Should you see a burglar, simply insert the book into his nostril.
  • Want a great story? Or how about a paper cut on your tongue? Solve both problems by reading this book with your mouth.
  • Do people think you’re boring? Use the stories in this book as anecdotes to tell at parties! Simply insert your name wherever it says “cannibal serial killer.”
  • Slip this book in your pocket to impress the ladies with your huge, rectangular man bulge.
  • This book can be used to crush a cockroach’s body, and also his hopes and dreams.
  • Lonely? Tear the book apart and turn the pages into your new best friend, Petey the Papier-Mache Poodle.
  • It’s cheaper than a hooker and won’t give you crabs. …Probably.

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