The Chained Space Series

Griff Intergalactic Transit Network arrest report:

A group claiming to be space junk salvagers was pulled over for inspection at the security office outside the link to the Kimoora System. They were caught smuggling DipteraCheese, which is banned from interplanetary transport but in high demand on the yellow market. (Like the black market, but for cheese.)

They were interrogated and their cargo and weapons confiscated, but unfortunately, they had to be released. The cheese escaped the evidence locker and crawled away. Due to his carelessness, arresting officer Private Oowan was reassigned to locker room duty and demoted to Towel Boy.

I have included notes from their interrogation below to be used as evidence in future cases. These people are definitely going to get caught again.

– Lt. Seerenna Lleellynn

Jay Jordan

Species: Human

Occupation: Salvage Ship Captain

The first suspect appeared calm and collected. Undoubtedly, Captain Jordan was used to talking to link security. He was dressed in silver trousers and a matching sports coat. When I asked if he was planning to sell his illegal cheese at a cocktail party, he said he “always dressed well, especially on dates with cute security officers.”  

When I looked up his name on the infonet, dozens of results came up in the holo industry. Apparently he was a fight coordinator for a studio on Kott. I asked if he ever got to be in front of the camera. He said, “Sure, I’ve even got one back in my cabin,” and winked at me.

When I told him he couldn’t flirt his way out of arrest, he insisted he would never do such a thing, but proceeded to make what Humans call “kissy face.”

Finesse Davis

Species: Human

Occupation: Salvage Ship Communications Officer

When Davis was searched, I found fourteen different knives on her person. She claimed they were for business meetings. She said Captain Jordan “is more likely to approve a time off request when I’m holding a dagger as long as his forearm.”

Davis said that she operates the transmitter and works as the group’s interpreter. When I asked if she had been involved in the cheese smuggling, she proceeded to insult my mother in sixteen different languages.

Carrik Fazel

Species: Hessan

Occupation: Salvage Ship Security Officer

Numerous weapons were found in his quarters aboard the ship, including a railgun loaded with armor-piercing rounds. His gun license said it was for duck hunting. As he appeared prone to violence, and was a reptilian well over two meters, I called for backup to help escort him to the interrogation room. Unfortunately, only Private Oowan was available, and he had come straight from the galley. He still had chocolate ice cream on his face.

I asked Fazel if he had been involved in any criminal activity. He said, “You know pool sharks? I used to do that. If a guy lost a bet and didn’t pay up, I would take him out to my pool and feed him to the sharks. Does that count?”

When I clarified that I meant the cheese smuggling, he said, “I don’t know nothing [sic] about no [sic] cheese. You mammals are weird, drinking milk from other species. I only eat normal food.” He then used his tail to fish an old salami sandwich from the trashcan.  

Eriss Ffiot

Species: Kottian

Occupation: Salvage Ship Pilot

She was wearing a silver headband used by members of the “brain modder” subculture to cover their electronic implants. When asked about her role on the ship, she said that her four arms and “extra computer brain” let her work as both the pilot and copilot, but Captain Jordan refused to give her a second salary.

She appeared anxious and spent most of the interrogation chewing her fingernails. When I asked if she was feeling guilty about criminal activity, she then used her brain implants to erase her memories of the last few days. I asked our computer technician to see what he could do, but the memories had been overwritten with a cartoon about singing ducks.

Magnus A11235

Species: SOMI (Self-Owned Machine Intelligence)

Occupation: Salvage Ship Mechanic

When asked about its role on the ship, the robot said “I fix the engines, patch laser holes, and generally keep the crew alive. You fleshies are so fragile.” The robot then proceeded to complain about having to fix the ship’s toilet, even though it never uses it.

I asked the robot if it had been involved in the smuggling, but it pretended to malfunction. For the remainder of the interrogation, it answered every question with “Bleep bloop blorp, robot noises.”

Nyx Davis

Species: Cat

Occupation: Cat

The final suspect was unable to speak the Griff language. I called the ship’s Communications Officer back into the interrogation room to translate. According to her, Nyx was the ship’s Pest Control Manager, employed to defend the ship against alien rats, mutant cockroaches, and catnip mice.

Despite having another crewmember present, the suspect was angry and resorted to minor acts of violence during questioning. When I asked Nyx if she had been involved in the cheese smuggling, she ignored the question and knocked my coffee cup off the table. I removed her from the table, and she then proceeded to attack my boot laces.

The interrogation had to be ended abruptly when the suspect began chewing on an extension cord.