As a writer, I spend a lot of time thinking about titles – what to name stories, what titles mean, and the images that titles create in a reader’s mind. As a result of all this thought and research, I’ve developed the uncanny ability to deduce a novel’s plot just by looking at the title! To prove it, here is my attempt to guess the plots of a dozen science fiction novels I haven’t read:
- The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisin – Weather engineers design a fifth season that combines the best aspects of Summer, Fall, Spring, and Winter, but for some reason, no one wants to try Sumfinger.
- Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky – A time traveling himbo romances history’s most beautiful ladies, from Cleopatra to Helen of Troy to Bess Truman.
- An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green – An alien comes to earth and is astounded by humanity’s greatest creation, professional wrestling.
- A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M. Miller Jr. – Jerry Leibowitz breaks out in canticles, but fortunately, his dermatologist has a cream for that.
- 2312 by Kim Stanley Robinson – An introverted college student counts all the people he hates.
- Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel – The Johnson family gets a new TV antenna and is finally able to get The CW.
- Make Room! Make Room! by Harry Harrison – A grandmother insists that her family simply must have dessert, even though they’re all full.
- The Man Who Folded Himself by David Gerrold – A man takes his origami obsession to dangerous lengths.
- Infinity Gate by Mike Carey – A traveler attempts to make it to his flight, but it’s on the other side of the airport. Way, way, way on the other side.
- The Quantum Thief by Hannu Rajaniemi – After his kids run up his electric bill, a particle physicist decides to steal some electrons from work.
- Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card – A stereo salesman tries to earn a living during the zombie apocalypse.
- Consider Phlebas by Iain Banks – A woman tells bans her husband from suggesting any more baby name ideas.
Pretty amazing trick, eh? For my next article, I’ll attempt to guess the plots of forty classic science fiction movies just from the names of their caterers.
