Elections always get me to thinking about the only politician I’ve ever really liked. Not because of his policies or personal politics. In fact, I wasn’t even alive when he was in office. As you can see by the title up there, I’m talking about the former mayor of Fort Wayne, Indiana, Harry Baals.
A while back, Fort Wayne got in the national news when the townsfolk voted to name the new government center building after Mayor Baals, but the vote was overruled. I guess the local politicians didn’t want a testicle joke engraved on the front of their workplace. That story aside, my favorite thing about Harry is this: everyone else in his family pronounced their last name like “Bales”, but he didn’t. He insisted it was “Balls.” He easily could have been “Harold Bales”, but he chose to be “Harry Balls.” It is that decision and the attitude it represents that inspired me to write this little poem. If anyone out there writes songs, feel free to turn this into the next hit folk ballad.
An ode to Harry Baals
Now we don’t want to start no brawls,
But the best mayor of all was Harry Baals!
He could have called himself Harold Bales,
But he wasn’t like those sissy males!
When he was born, his dad was proud!
He climbed a mountain and shouted loud,
“Hey! All you guys and dolls,
come take a look at my Harry Baals!”
Harry Baals, Harry Baals,
He drank all the water in Niagara Falls!
The best mayor ever was Harry Baals!
When Harry was mayor, he was kind and fair.
He was carried to work by a grizzly bear!
Anyone else, the bear fights and mauls,
But he never scratched our Harry Baals!
Harry Baals, Harry Baals,
He tore down fifty Berlin Walls!
He wrestled storms and punched sea squalls!
The best mayor ever was Harry Baals!
