D.N. Schmidt’s poetry. Mostly bad.

Paranoia – A Poem

If there’s one thing that you should avoid, You should try to not be so paranoid Try not to let those worries in your head It doesn’t really matter, because you’ll soon be dead You could cross the street and get hit by a truck It wouldn’t be surprising – you’ve always had bad luck Or you could get stabbed …

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Hand behind glass, illustration for paranoia funny poem

The Girl with the Mechanical Ass (With Apologies to William Shakespeare)

Shall I compare thine ass to a shiny coin?Thou art brighter and more callipygian.Rough twerks do shake thy tender loin,And I return to grind on you once again.Sometime too hot the thine ass shines,And other rumps seem dimm’d;Other girls I have declined,Their bushes doth be untrimm’d;But thy mechanical ass shall not fade,Nor others thine ass shall molest,While I relax in …

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robot in love, illustration for funny poem

There’s A Skeleton Hiding

There’s a skeleton hiding under your skin A skinny, white beast that lurks deep within It’s made of bones, but you’re made of meat It’s getting hungry, it wants to eat The bones hate the flesh that they’re trapped inside They want to be seen, they don’t want to hide So when you’re asleep in your bed at night They’ll …

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A skeleton in a suit, illustration for funny poem "There's a Skeleton Hiding"